Uncertainty

To move forward, when you feel like you are standing still. This is where I am right now. There is one constant in life, uncertainty. Lately, I find myself stressed and the resolutions aren’t really apparent. Some will say it is just Mecury in retrograde, but is it? The past few months have seemed heavier somehow. I look back at how far I have come and I know this is just another chapter, yet I can’t explain the endless feeling of hesitation.

In July, my 50th birthday came and went, no spectacle, just another birthday. I am a half a century old, where did time go? What have I accomplished? Truly, not anything I had hoped for when I put all the dreams I have had into perspective.

I wrote and finished a book, it still sits quietly waiting to be edited, unread. I opened and closed not one, but two booths at antique malls. Profitable? Not even close. I lost 30 lbs. And gained most back. I did two craft shows, one was a bust and the other I did ok. I planned to do more, yet I haven’t. I took the customs brokers exam, missed passing by four questions. Planned to take it again and then the chaos of tariffs happened and I chose to postpone retaking it.

My sister said she hates to see me start things and never see them reach fruition. So do I. At times I feel defeated and lost. I feel broken. I want to be successful at the things I enjoy. I am not a risk taker, I live cautiously. Maybe that is my problem. Perhaps I am too cautious.

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