Change is needed. I watch my social media news feed as it overflows with what my friends are doing, interested in, or feeling. It scares me. The hatred, division and negativity is heartbreaking. I have watched people, who once were friends for decades, turn away from one another in anger. While I am not naïve and I realize there are people who see the color of someone’s skin or sees a person’s sexuality as a definition of who someone is, I do not. A human being should be defined by the person they are, what comes from within. Outer appearance and beliefs should not be a defining characteristic, yet it happens to often.

I have been judged many times in my life by the clothes I wore, the people I befriended, and my own personal choices and beliefs. Did it hurt? Of course it did at times, but if I had let my anger guide me, my life would not be what it is today, in fact I most likely would not be breathing. As a domestic abuse survivor, I can tell you I have suffered many horrific things. Sadly, some who read this will judge and say that I should have gotten out sooner, left when it started. I have heard it all and frankly unless you walk in those shoes you don’t have the slightest idea how you would truly handle it.  The point is I did not let the abuse and near fatal situation define who I have become. I refused to let it define me and I broke the cycle and made a change, not everyone is that lucky. We need a change and it must start in our homes, with our youth and within our communities.

The violence is escalating, it is in every community and it appears to be worse in impoverished communities. Growing up, we had disagreements and I honestly only remember maybe three incidents where guns came into play. Of course, that does not mean violence didn’t happen nor does it mean that was every occasion that it occurred, but it does mean that it was not advertised or spewed all over for people to share on social media. Families now find out about loved ones murders, accidents etc. on social media. Graphic pictures posted in a time of grief. It is disturbing how unaffected people are, how desensitized to gore and heartache society has become. It is almost like a game, who can post the gossip first and get the most responses.

It is ironic we can come together on posts to gossip or share “news”, yet we cannot come together to embrace our communities and push forward for a better tomorrow. Our parents and grandparents use to visit friends and sit around the kitchen table talking and catching up, while kids rode bikes, played in creeks, used imaginations, and spent time outside being kids. Today, kids sit inside on phones, computers, tablets etc, playing games, sharing posts and cyber bullying in some cases. They have access to toxins such as drugs and alcohol like it is candy. It is disheartening to know what today’s youth are missing out on and how misguided they have become. I am almost willing to bet unless raised by their grandparents, most kids know very little about their family histories.

There are also the deadbeat parents who could not tell you their child’s birthday, what any of their favorites are, and sadly some could not tell you their children’s names. responsibility also seems to be a long forgotten characteristic. We have lost morality, we have lost compassion. We need a change, and it has to come from those who  are willing to make a difference. Twenty years ago was not that long ago and it is not hard to see that we changes that have impacted our cities, towns and families so negatively.

Change is needed, and we need to step up and make those changes. Turning our head and ignoring it is how we ended up here. Discipline has become non-existent as people fear the consequences that have been put in place to deter parenting and teaching. Our schools are failing kids because teachers are not supported and the morals of some teachers are extremely questionable. The school systems are testing kids until they are so disinterested in school that they skip, fail, or drop out. This has become normal, and when a child drops out people rarely blink now. There is no stimulation for their minds so they start contemplating what they can do for adventure and they are bored. Boredom, leads to mischief. Mischief leads to violence, accidents, crime.

Violence, drugs and senseless deaths have saturated our communities and lives have been lost at accelerated rates. Mothers, fathers, siblings and friends left grieving with anger and hurt. We need a change. If you want to get on social media and share, then share that a change is needed. Share ideas on how to make that change. My heart breaks for my friends whose children’s lives were taken too soon. Learn where your children are, what they are doing and who they are with. Be the parent that intervenes, so what if your child gets angry, they will get over it, but most importantly maybe they will have a better chance at survival.

The change starts with us and if we don’t start now we will not see a future. Violence, anger and discrimination will destroy what is left. The past is behind us, don’t dwell there, move forward and move with positive steps. We can change, we can be the change that is needed, if we come together to do so. The past does not define us if we choose to be better and different in our futures.

Angel Evans

 

It has been a bit since I wrote. I’m still carrying my baby with me everywhere, no I am not ready to put him down. I am thinking I may never be ready, but I am thinking I am ok with that. I love him so much and I miss his little life everyday. Randomly a picture or memory will surface and it either knocks me to my knees or it reminds me that he is here in all I do. He is always going to be my heartbeat.

This has been a sad few days, two young lives lost and many young lives impacted. My nephew’s half sister and her fiancé were tragically taken too soon in a car accident. While every death is hard, young lives cut short seem to be harder. It was a reminder of those I personally knew that left too soon when I was their age. I don’t think that loss ever truly heals.  Life is not a promise, it is borrowed time and if we squander  it away on useless things, bad people and wrong decisions and fail to share our love to our families and friends it is wasted. Don’t think you are invincible, don’t take life for granted. tomorrow is not promised to anyone.

We spend most of our lives looking back, wishing we could change this, that or the other and we forget to look forward to the change we can be, the hope we may be to someone. We fail ourselves by yearning for what might have been, what should have or could have happened. Instead we should be moving forward, even if one step at a time,, reaching out to lend a helping hand to our family, friends, and neighbors.

If you continue to look down you will miss the blessings coming, if you look back you will miss something amazing around the corner. It is ok to reminisce on memories and stir up nostalgia, but don’t focus on events from the past that affected you negatively, wishing for a different outcome. It will never come. It is in the past, the past cannot become the future. Love with all you are, move forward, give when you can, show respect in all you do and always remain humble and full of kindness. You may be someone’s only hope, their only beacon of light in a dismal world. Become the change you were meant to be.

Angel

I am still trying to cope, not that it has worked thus far. Have I placed his ashes in their spot? No. I’m not sure when or if I will. He goes where I go, he is in my heart for sure and I will see him again some day, but for now he goes where I go. I am not crying everyday like I was but my heart still is shattered, little things still cause so much grief and I don’t know that I will ever be okay without him.

I am told time will help, I am told it will be ok, take as long as I need. Well I need a lifetime I think. He is always close in thought and as if I haven’t cried enough tears, I now have unexplainable tears. I am nursing a concussion, and apparently this unexplained crying is a result of this injury. More tears, ha! Crying makes my head hurt so I really don’t want to cry more. It is but isn’t funny how this concussion came about.

Bad food and unsanitary practices at a restaurant sparked me to look for the grade of said restaurant. Oh I found it, 97.5 in case you are curious, but as I turned to exit the restaurant, I missed the door by a mile and walked right into the glass window next to the door. Think horrible human version of bird hitting window in the Windex commercials. I mean, ok, I have to hand it to them at least the windows were clean, their food handling practices not so much.  I now am experiencing nausea, dizziness and the inability to focus for long. Medication for pain and nausea and resting my brain are the doctors orders. It makes work a bit hard, since using my brain to concentrate, problem solve etc is a huge part of my daily job.

I am resting now, I am missing my baby and I am focusing on my newest endeavor of sewing and machine embroidery. I am trying to get through this. I worry every single day about my family. My mama, still not quite over being sick. Now my sister passing kidney stones. I worry daily about my husband, mama, sister, brothers and my precious nieces and nephews. Time flies and they grow and as they continue their journey, each one with their own unique path, I worry.

I have family scattered near and far and I worry. I have friends that I cherish like family and I worry. I worry by nature and I love with my existence, so I am not good at not worrying or caring about those in my life. Life is short, love is eternal.

Live  like there is no tomorrow, Love with all that you are, let go of anger, resentment, bitterness and guilt for when your sun sets none of those things will matter.

Angel